Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
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there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
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Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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