Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
