Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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