I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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