I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
