Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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