Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
