I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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