Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Randomize
Follow @tfln