Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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