12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
