i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
