All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just found a bag of teeth...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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