my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
