How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
