And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize