if you like me you must not know who I am
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
