I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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