My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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