Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
