You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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