is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
