He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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