you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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