put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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