What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
