Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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