Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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