he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
