i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
