You work out of a Hotel?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
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