I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
