Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
