Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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