So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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