Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
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Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
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Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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