he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
