pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
