I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
