It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
