I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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