i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
