if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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