Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
