My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
