he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
