this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
