he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
