These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
