Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
