Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Pappa wants mamma naked
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
