the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
