Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
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She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
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Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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