she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can't special order awesome
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
