Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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