Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
