i already hear my dad disowning me
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
