Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
