You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
