please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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