So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My liver is preforming stress tests.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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