none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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