just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
