It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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