dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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