The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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