I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
