Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
