wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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