get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We were destined to go to rehab together
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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